I feel very out of place with the rest of my friends now. And I didn't realize this until my best friend came home from Afghanistan. It sucks because I still love her, she still loves me... but we're very limited as to what we can do now that I have a baby. We can't stay out shopping that long because the baby gets cranky. I can't drive to Sedalia every day off I have, because Piper's schedule gets upset... and it scares me that it's going to make us grow apart. Another sucky thing is that since she did just come back from overseas, she's not used to being around people outside of her company yet. She wanted to go out, so I took her to a bar downtown. She sat there on her phone texting the whole time and didn't even order a drink. /facepalm I understand, but everything has changed so much in the last year and I just don't like it. I have never, nor will I ever, be a fan of change.
To make me feel even better, Piper has just been screaming for the majority of the days of the past week or more. It's driving me crazy. She doesn't have a fever but I figure she might be getting in more teeth since she has been drooling even more than usual and is super cranky. I find myself wanting to put her in her crib and just get the hell out of here. But then I feel bad for having those thoughts. Then I feel even WORSE because she has begun whining/crying when she sees me leaving the room, or leaving for work. Even if someone is holding her. She holds her arms up and starts doing the hardcore pout and crying. It makes me feel awful for having to leave. Then I feel bad for having the OTHER thoughts even more. So for me, being a mom is just one big emotional storm of being angry, and being sad. Very rarely do I have happy moments. I love her to death, but I just don't know what to do with myself to make myself happy. THEN I have the nerve to go through all her baby clothes that don't fit her anymore and decide I'm going to save them because God knows I have bad luck and will get pregnant again... and then I catch myself almost WANTING it to happen. SOMEONE TELL ME WTF IS GOING ON WITH ME!!!! I can't even handle one baby let alone two. Especially not right now.
End Rant
Start Positive
But while at Target today I was looking through all the baby stuff and decided she needed a new sippy cup, some pink leg warmers with green and blue polka dots, some new purple onsies with different designs on them. One of which unfortunately says, "Daddy's Little Girl" on it. But I figure she can wear it around Ethan for shits and giggles. I also decided that I'm going to get Ethan a coffee cup or thermos or something that says, "Worlds Best Dad" on it. :D He'll just love that. Haha. He goes along with the Daddy jokes and even calls her his daughter half the time. He even took home one of her big professional pictures to hang on his fridge. <3
The child also has more shoes than any baby that I know.
I find it quite amusing. That is even lacking a few pairs. She has three pairs of baby chucks, three pairs of twinkle toes, and even a pair of baby Sperry's. Haha. While Corissa was up here we spent 300 dollars on her within two days. 130 at JcPenny's, and another 165ish at Babies R Us. They were both having ginormous sales because of the holiday switch out. Some of the fall stuff is even on sale already. Plus Penny's just has really cute but still affordable baby clothes.
I might have a babysitting job for a woman I work with. Her daughter is three years old and adorable. She's a good little girl. Melba(she's Philippino) wants someone who will sit down and read to her, color with her, things like that. And she would like to have an english speaking babysitter so she can learn it better. They speak english at home, but her spanish speaking babysitter is confusing Jade. So if her husband agrees that I'll be a good babysitter, I could quit Target. I really do hate that place. She'd pay me 150 a week. So I'd be making almost what I made when I worked in the Deli. :) So I'm kind of excited about that. I feel like it would actually help me get into a routine also. Because Melba works at 7 every morning. So I'd get up at 6 every day before the baby. Clean up a little bit. Figure out what to do with Jade all day, what to feed her, stuff like that. And Piper would get some interaction with another kid. I know they're different ages. But still, Piper has never been around anyone younger than 12 before. You should see her face when we go into the store and theres a baby around her age in there. She just stares and starts talkin'.
So lets just hope her husband doesn't think 21 is too young. -crosses fingers-
I'm thinking it's time to go to bed now. I'll leave you with an adorable picture.
No comments:
Post a Comment